No matter if you’re a new start-up or if you’re a medium-sized agency, there’s tons of information authored by those who want to give you a peek inside their brains so that you can learn their version of the best marketing practices for your business.
But we’re going to pretend that you’re not looking for best practices. Hypothetically, let’s say that you’re in the mood to sabotage all of your hard work, and you’re the type of business owner who wants to go down in a blaze of glory!
“Where’s the playbook for someone like me?” you might ask.
It’s true that you’d have a hard time finding articles that give you specific instructions (and best practices for) how to ruin your marketing campaign, but don’t worry!
I’ve come up with a down-and-dirty guide for types like you, and you can put these tips to use, now!
Leave Those Pesky CTAs Off Of Your Marketing Correspondence
A Call-To-Action (CTA) summarizes the marketing message while providing the prospect with next logical steps to take. They’re extremely easy to implement, and they only require a few lines of copy.
But you’re the type of marketer who wants to emulate others who fail to include CTAs in their marketing media. After all, you’re a busy person on the rise! Who has time to think of a few lines of script that could possibly lead towards a conversion?
If the prospect can’t figure out the next steps to take for themselves, then they’re not your type of customer, right?
Lead With Tons Of Freebies And Deep Discounts
You never found an occasion to use the word free that you didn’t like!
You’re of the belief that ultimately, the entire world is made up of freebie-seekers. Only those who like alienating portions of their prospects place high value on their products and services. Who do they think they are, anyway?
No, you’re the type of marketer who bandies the word free around like a red scarf in front of a raging bull! You’re the type who believes in stuffing your marketing funnel until it bursts at the seams by attracting prospects with freebies, and deeply-discounted prices.
And, you love doubling-down on this strategy during times when you can least afford to do so! As long as you jam every available field of your email marketing list with addresses, the numbers will make everything turn out okay, right?
Ignore Those Bothersome Inquires
Let’s admit something between friends:
You only place contact information on your websites (and in the body of your marketing media) as a polite formality.
The truth is, you don’t want to be bothered by your prospects, and you don’t want to answer their questions! Can’t they understand how busy you and your team are? Why can’t they just hit the Pay Now/Pay Here button?
The emails, the social media messages, the phone calls. They all get on your nerves, and as far as you can tell, they’re not serving a purpose towards increasing your revenue.
Any activity that’s not putting money in your accounts is a waste of time. Ignore these time-sucking activities and focus on advertising your services for next to nothing. These are the activities that will make you lots of money.
Become Deeply Embittered When Leads Fail To Convert
You’ve done everything you could to stuff your prospect leads list like a sausage. You’ve offered the freebies and the discounts. You’ve sent at least three marketing emails to everyone on your list, daily.
Why aren’t you realizing the conversions that you’re working so hard for?
Of course, it’s not your fault! You’re working yourself feverishly to scale your business (and your marketing campaigns) by any means necessary. The fault has to rest with those lazy prospects who don’t know a good deal when they see one.
You should let these people know how you feel! Create an email marketing list for the non-responders that makes them feel horrible about themselves! Use an embittered, caustic tone in your copy. Let these ne’er do well types know that they’ve personally offended you, and they have an obligation to hit the Pay Now/Pay Here button.
To drive the point home, include a link to your sales page at the bottom of your caustic message.
Or, you can shame your prospects into a response on social media, like this marketer has:
Promote A Negative, Polarizing Persona In Your Marketing Media
Let’s get one thing straight right now: The only things of value to you in the relationship you’ve built with your prospects are your image, and your financial bottom line.
Truth is, they should feel enamored by your personality and your marketing style. To that end, you’re going to create (or amplify) a bad-boy (or bad girl) persona, and you’re going to promote that persona in your marketing emails, your social media, and your blog posts.
Yes, your persona might scare some off, but you’re not for the faint of heart! The more offensive, combative, and incendiary your persona is, the more people will talk about you. Then, they’ll feel compelled to visit your website to learn more.
As they say in the media, all press is good press, right?
Eagerly Offer Pricing Before Understanding The Scope Of The Campaign
Perhaps behaving like an incendiary troll isn’t your style. Perhaps behaving like a clueless, thirsty service provider is a better fit for your marketing persona.
If so, then you were probably glad to read the tips regarding freebies and discounts. You’re also probably all too eager to price your products and services at a price that helps you to close deals with as little resistance as possible.
Mind you, you might face a problem when you realize that you’ve underbid the project.
You might find that you’ve quoted a fee that’s doesn’t match the scope of work that’s required of you. But, you’re willing to swallow your pride and take a financial beating, even if continuing to do so ensures that you won’t generate the revenue to stay in business.
Now, keep in mind these are top-secret, covert ninja, special guru tips that should be used with care…if you want to successfully ruin your marketing campaign!